Don't you have moments like the only thing you want to do is to push everyone away from yourself? The ones you love the most, the ones that hurt you the most, the ones you miss the most, the ones that love you the most and all... I do. Sometimes this feeling leads me to those dark memories stored in my mind. They pull me into a very dark hole and I can't see anything around me but hopelessness and bad memories. I start cursing those who put me in that hole. I curse in a way that all I want for them is to be in the same hole with me and stay there as much as they deserve. I don't know if this is evil or not. I don't know if I should turn my other cheek and let them take advantage of my good intentions some more or not. But I DO want them to see thru my eyes, feel thru my heart, live thru my memories. I know it's not possible but still... I believe in that splendid justice in life.
As much as I think of this, I start climbing up the hole, I start seeing less darkness, the shade of black starts to get lighter.I start to smell the refreshing scent of "hope". Everything feels so much better already.Call me evil, call me revengeful, call me whatever you'd like. I don't really care at this point. All I want is pure justice, that's all.
Anyways, I don't know how not to fall into that hole from time to time. I don't know how to kill those memories, how to lock the doors of my mind to them. They're there, fresh and kicking. They're there to suck me in. I don't know how to bury them forever...
I'm weak, I'm just a girl.
