"Even the stars fall! Of course I'll be alright!" was the last thing she said after wiping her eyes on her sleeve in a rush. She knew she was being nonsense, she knew she wouldn't feel "alright" at all, after that day. She knew what was coming to her and she was well aware that her life was going to have a drastic change after leaving that room, after having that last conversation with him.
Her fate was darker than her hair, for sure.
Even though she did her best and never expected anything material out of the relationship she had, she got nothing good in return. It hurt so much that she felt betrayed by God, felt forgotten, felt like all of her prayers were for nothing and they were all unheard in the end. She didn't know how to cope with everything she was going thru, she has never been in the neighborhood of despair before. She had infinite questions wandering on her mind... "What to do now?, How to get out of this dark hole?, How to break these walls of sorrow?, How to feel the heart as a whole again?, How to trust anyone ever again?, Is it even worth trying? Is happiness nothing but a cruel illusion?..."
She thought she'd never ask the cliche "why me?" question to herself in her life because she always thought there was a divine reason behind everything. But this time, it didn't feel like it. it just felt... unfair.
It felt lonely, cold and dark.
There was no room for hope, it was not allowed in this neighborhood. She heard that if you achieve to get out of this place, you might be able to build some new hopes, have new dreams from scratch, feel the healing process that's going thru in your heart and all... they even said that you might hear the word "love" again. But if only she knew how to get out of that place. She had no clue, she was completely lost.
She tried to look up, down, right, left, everything looked the same, just pitch black. Questions started pacing her mind again... "How can you hope for anything in such a place? How can you cope with such a horrible feeling in your heart? Since when people have been so cruel that they can push others into such dark places? Don't they feel sorry for the hearts and lives that they waste?
Don't they have hearts of their own?"
Her mind was a deep desperate well of questions, all of them unanswered.
She felt that breathing was getting harder by every passing minute. Her chest felt so heavy, yet empty. She knew crying wouldn't heal the pain in her heart, nor erase the memories that were lying in front of her eyes. It wouldn't fill the emptiness in the bed that her lover left by her side nor it would bring him back. It wouldn't save her from that dark hole either. But it was the only thing she could do, it was a pain that she wasn't familiar with. Therefore she was not prepared for it and knew absolutely no cure to make it feel better. So, she just cried and cried and cried some more.
No one heard it, ever, not even God.
